Overcoming Negative Sentiment Override: How to Rebuild Positivity in Your Relationships
In the world of relationship research, Dr. John Gottman is a name that often comes up. His groundbreaking work on relationships has revealed insights that help explain why some partnerships thrive while others struggle. One of his key findings is the concept of negative sentiment override, a state where negative feelings about a partner overshadow positive experiences, making it difficult to appreciate good moments. In this state, even neutral or kind gestures can be interpreted as negative or hostile, and small disagreements can snowball into bigger conflicts.
Negative sentiment override doesn’t happen overnight. It often stems from unresolved conflicts, built-up resentment, or long-standing frustrations in relationships. Whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or navigating the complexities of polyamory, this dynamic can affect anyone. Over time, it creates a filter through which interactions are viewed, making it harder to see the good in your relationships. People who find themselves in this space may feel stuck, as if they’re constantly at odds with their partners or metamours, and the joy and connection they once shared feel distant. The good news? This pattern, while challenging, isn’t permanent. With the right tools and strategies, individuals in all relationship structures can break free from this cycle, rebuild trust, and restore the positive connections they once had.
In this post, we’ll explore how to recognize when negative sentiment override is happening and provide practical steps to help everyone—whether you’re in a dyad, triad, or a larger polycule—move past it. By refocusing on positive interactions, improving communication, and strengthening emotional connections, you can rekindle the warmth and closeness that make your relationships thrive. Let’s dive into how to make that transformation happen.
Strategies for Overcoming Negative Sentiment Override:
1. Increase Positive Interactions:
Gratitude Practice: Encourage individuals to express daily appreciation for their partners and metamours, even for small things. Sharing what you’re grateful for, either in conversation or journaling, shifts the focus from negativity to positivity.
Affection and Kindness: Small acts of kindness, whether directed toward a primary partner, secondary partner, or metamours, can reignite positive feelings. These gestures help create an environment of care and affection that counteracts negativity.
Reframe Perceptions: Help individuals practice looking for positive interpretations of their partners’ or metamours’ actions. Reframing how situations are viewed helps reduce misinterpretation and fosters understanding.
2. Shift the Focus From Problems to Solutions:
Collaborative Problem-Solving: Rather than focusing on faults or assigning blame, guide individuals and partners to collaboratively work on solutions. This is especially important in polyamorous dynamics, where multiple perspectives may need to be balanced. Working together fosters a sense of teamwork and shared goals.
Strength-Based Approach: Highlight the strengths of each relationship. Whether it’s within a dyad, triad, or polycule, reminding each other of the qualities that brought them together in the first place can help reignite admiration and appreciation.
3. Promote Emotional Awareness and Regulation:
Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Teach mindfulness techniques that encourage individuals to observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment. This can help partners and metamours become aware of when negative sentiment override is occurring and take steps to manage emotional responses.
Emotion Coaching: Help individuals recognize their emotional triggers. Encourage them to pause and reflect before reacting in ways that could heighten negativity, which is essential in polyamorous dynamics where emotions may affect more than one relationship.
4. Cognitive Restructuring:
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Assist individuals in identifying and challenging negative automatic thoughts about their partners or metamours. Are these thoughts fair? Or are they influenced by past conflicts or misunderstandings?
Replace Negativity with Neutral or Positive Thoughts: Once negative thoughts are challenged, work on replacing them with more neutral or positive interpretations. This can make a significant difference in reducing tension.
5. Open Communication and Empathy Building:
Active Listening: Teach all parties to listen without interrupting or making assumptions. Active listening fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness, especially in polyamorous relationships where communication is often key to balancing different needs.
Express Needs Clearly: Encourage clear, non-blaming communication about needs and feelings. In polyamory, expressing what each partner needs helps prevent assumptions and allows everyone involved to feel valued and heard.
Empathy Development: Encourage individuals to practice empathy by trying to understand their partner’s or metamour’s perspective. Exercises like taking turns sharing feelings without judgment can help deepen emotional connections.
6. Cultivate Forgiveness and Letting Go:
Resolve Resentments: Whether it’s between partners or metamours, past hurts and resentments need to be addressed. Resentments can fuel negative sentiment override, so working on forgiveness is essential to moving forward.
Focus on Growth: Encourage partners and metamours to view their relationships as works in progress. Shifting the focus from past mistakes to future growth and improvement helps create space for healing and connection.
7. Practice Compassionate Curiosity:
Cultivate Curiosity About Your Partners and Metamours: Encourage individuals to ask open-ended questions and show interest in their partner’s and metamour’s lives. This curiosity fosters deeper emotional bonds and helps individuals rediscover the things they appreciate about each other.
8. Seek Professional Help:
Relationship Therapy: If negative sentiment override is deeply ingrained, partners and metamours may benefit from therapy. A therapist can help navigate difficult emotions, improve communication, and rebuild trust in all types of relationships.
Negative sentiment override can be a major hurdle in any relationship structure, but it doesn’t have to define your connections. Whether you’re navigating monogamy, polyamory, or something in between, Dr. Gottman’s research shows that relationships can shift from negativity to positivity with intentional effort. By focusing on increasing positive interactions, practicing empathy, improving communication, and working collaboratively on solutions, you can rebuild trust and restore the connection with your partners and metamours. Every relationship comes with its challenges, but overcoming them together strengthens the foundation, allowing love and respect to flourish once again.
