Skip the Viagra: How Sex Education and Self-Love Can Overcome Erectile Disappointment
Viagra is always an option, but should it be the first stop on your journey?
Hey everyone, today we're diving into a topic that many penis owners struggle with: erectile disorder, or as I like to call it, erectile disappointment. Due to poor sex education, toxic masculinity, and sex negativity, there's a lot of misinformation out there. I'm here to clear things up and offer a new perspective on the penis and its functionality. Let’s dive in.
What is ED?
First things first, let's define Erectile Disorder (ED). Many people think that losing their erection once constitutes ED. However, to be diagnosed with ED, one must fail to attain or maintain an erection 75%-100% of the time during individual or partnered sexual activity. Moreover, psychological distress from losing an erection is a key component of ED. Unfortunately, even losing an erection once can cause significant distress for many penis owners, leading them to seek out PDE5 inhibitors like Viagra and Cialis. While these medications work for some men by pumping blood to the penis, they can cause more harm psychologically for others. It's like putting a band-aid on a bullet hole; we need to address the mental aspect before focusing on the physical.
Causes
There are numerous reasons why a penis owner might experience ED, ranging from cardiovascular to psychological. Here are some common causes:
Cardiovascular problems
Low testosterone
Poor diet and lack of exercise
Past trauma
Physical trauma to the pelvic area
Neurological conditions
Taking testosterone blockers or estrogen injections
Anxiety, stress, depression
Poor communication
For this post, I'll focus more on the psychological aspects of ED. However, always get your testosterone levels checked; low testosterone (below 270 mg) can significantly affect your ability to attain or maintain an erection.
Toxic Masculinity and Sex Negativity
One crucial aspect to explore is the messaging surrounding masculinity and sexuality. Toxic masculinity teaches men that they need a 14-inch penis, should always know what they're doing in the bedroom, be confident, make their partner orgasm, and have an orgasm themselves. Along with the sex-negative messaging that suggests penetration and orgasm are necessary for successful sex, this can put immense pressure on everyone involved. Remember, the main reason for sex is to feel pleasure. Changing your perspective on the purpose of sex can help improve your ability to attain and maintain erections.
Performance-Based Sex vs. Pleasure-Based Sex
Most people engage in “performance-based” sex rather than “pleasure-based” sex. Performance-based sex is not centered on what feels good, seeking pleasure and fun, or being present in the moment. Instead, it is rooted in anxiety about your worth as a partner, your value as a lover, and the competence of your body. It uses sex as a tool to feel validated and attractive. This approach is sex and body negative, often ignoring authenticity and intimacy, and instead feeding the ego to avoid vulnerability and true connection with oneself, desires, the body, or the partner.
In contrast, “pleasure-based” sex focuses on what feels good—using tongues, toys, fingers, and erections if and when you have them, for as long as they are maintained. Pleasure-based sex allows your body to naturally do what it does without forcing yourself to get or stay erect due to expectations, shame, or anxiety. Sex is not solely about penetration; it is about pleasure, fun, connection, intimacy, and growth, regardless of how it happens. How partners respond when you desire an erection but don’t have one speaks volumes about their sexual maturity and health.
The Reality of Viagra and Similar Medications
Viagra, known generically as sildenafil, along with Cialis (tadalafil) and Levitra (vardenafil), are PDE5 inhibitors used to treat ED by increasing blood flow to the penis. While these medications can be effective, they are not a universal solution. Research indicates that about 30-40% of men do not respond to these medications.
Moreover, the effectiveness of these medications can be impacted by various factors such as underlying health conditions, psychological issues, and interactions with other medications. For instance, men with diabetes or heart disease may find these medications less effective. Additionally, these medications do not address the psychological and emotional factors contributing to ED. In some cases, reliance on these drugs without addressing the root causes can lead to increased anxiety and decreased sexual confidence.
What Can I Start Doing Today?
1. Sex is for You:
Sexual encounters should be driven by what turns you on, not by the goal of making others orgasm. Focus on your own pleasure and create a dynamic of open communication and expression of wants and desires. This approach helps ensure everyone enjoys the experience.
2. Practice Mindful Masturbation:
When was the last time you masturbated without erotica? While porn doesn't cause ED, the shame associated with it and reliance on it for arousal can be problematic. To reconnect with your body, try masturbating without visual aids. Explore different parts of your body with various touches. Mimic positions you’d use during partner sex. The goal is to create new sexual scripts and get back in touch with your body.
3. Bodyfulness:
Incorporate the principles of bodyfulness as developed by Christina Caldwell. This approach emphasizes being fully present in your body and experiencing sensations without judgment. Engage in practices that enhance body awareness and acceptance, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery. These techniques can help you tune into your body’s natural responses and reduce anxiety related to sexual performance.
4. Explore Sex-Positive Content:
Educate yourself by exploring sex-positive content that promotes healthy, realistic views of sex and sexuality. This can include books, articles, podcasts, and videos that focus on sex education, communication, and pleasure. Understanding that sex is not just about penetration and orgasm, but about connection and enjoyment, can significantly reduce performance anxiety and enhance your sexual experiences. A great resource to start with is Five Ways to Be More Sex-Positive.
5. Defusion:
Sometimes, we get hooked on our thinking, using a lot of “I am” statements. For instance, saying “I must get an erection” perpetuates a negative feedback loop. Instead, challenge this thought by saying, “I am having the thought that I must get an erection.” This shift provides flexibility in thinking. Focus on pleasure rather than the pressure of achieving an erection.
Conclusion
This article is titled "Skip the Viagra: How Sex Education and Self-Love Can Overcome Erectile Disappointment" because too many penis owners turn to medication instead of addressing the root of the problem. Viagra and similar medications may offer temporary solutions for some, but they don't work for everyone and can even exacerbate psychological issues related to ED. It is essential to approach this issue with grace, focusing on altering your sexual script to emphasize pleasure and fulfillment, rather than succumbing to shame, pressure, and unrealistic expectations.
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